Helmets are so not cool

An original screenplay by David Orth

 

TITLES:

 

FADE IN:

 

INT—INSIDE OF THOMAS JEFFERSON APT #140—DAY

 

JEFF and DAVID are sitting at the coffee table, playing Scrabble. JUSTIN is cooking in the kitchen, and ANDY is pushing his bike out of the patio area and into the living room to go out for a ride.

 

ANDY

(pushes bike out of the door)

See ya guys later.

 

JEFF and DAVID

(in unison)

See ya.

                                                                                 CUT TO:

 

JUSTIN

Don’t you have a helmet?

 

ANDY

Yah, but I’m just going out for a quick ride.

 

                                                                                 CUT TO:

JUSTIN

(gives withering look)

You still need a helmet.

 

ANDY

(shrugs)

I dunno. They’re sorta dorky. Plus, they make my hair go all poofy.

 

JEFF

I think they look pretty cool.

DAVID

Goofy!

JEFF

Cool!

DAVID

Goofy!

JEFF

Cool!

DAVID

(dumps scrabble board)

I say they’re goofy, and he has no reason to wear one! He said he’s only going around the block!

 

JEFF

I say they’re cool, and you have to wear a helmet! Isn’t it the law?

 

                                                                                                                                CUT TO:

ANDY

(looks contemplative)

I’m not sure what I should do…. Maybe I should go without one…

                                                                                                                                FADE OUT: (Dream sequence music)

 

 

 

 

 

 

FADE IN:

 

EXT –OUTSIDE OF THE THOMAS JEFFERSON APT, #140---DAY

 

ANDY is pushing his bike away from the apartment and towards the road, just about to hop onto it. He is dressed really “Cool”, looking uber-hip. JUSTIN comes out of the door after ANDY, holding a large cooking spoon. (Wearing an apron, if he’s not too mortified)

 

JUSTIN

Where are you going?

 

ANDY

Out.

 

JUSTIN

Out where?!?

 

ANDY

Who knows? I just ride and see where this bike takes me.

 

JUSTIN

When will you be back? Should I make you a setting for dinner?

                                                                                                                                CUT TO:

 

ANDY

(Slowly putting on shades)

No.

                                                                                 CUT TO:

JUSTIN

But... what about... I…

 

                                                                                                                                 CUT TO: (long shot of both)

ANDY

(climbing onto bike)

I don’t know when I’ll be back, or if I’ll be back. Don’t wait up. The road is calling, and I have to answer.

 

JUSTIN

(worriedly)

Well… be careful...

 

ANDY

(not looking back)

Ciao.

                                                                                                                                   CUT TO:

 

ANDY

(riding off into distance)

 

                                                                                           FADE OUT:

 

TITLES


FADE IN

 

EXT –OUTSIDE OF THE THOMAS JEFFERSON APT, #140---DAY

 

 

ANDY is now sporting a helmet, biking recklessly with his legs splayed out. He’s dressed like a complete dork; socks with sandals, shirt hanging out, maybe even an awful pair of green flowered pants. Major dork material.

ANDY

(bikes almost right into JUSTIN)

Woooo!

 

JUSTIN

(catches ANDY and stopping him from falling over)

Careful Andy! You almost took a spill again!

 

ANDY

(rocks back and forth on his bike)

I am careful! Hey, Justin, I saw two dogs! Two big dogs, and they were like this: Grrrrrrrr. But I biked really fast away…

 

JUSTIN

(in mock surprise)

Two dogs! It’s a good thing you can ride soooo fast!

 

ANDY

Yah... dumb dogs aren’t... they’re... dumb.

 

JUSTIN

(nods)

Mmm-hmmm…

                                                                                                                                       CUT TO: (close-up)

 

ANDY

Hey, Justin, Justin. Do we still got juice boxes?

 

                                                                                                                                       CUT TO: (long shot)

JUSTIN

Oooh, I’m afraid we ran out, Andy!

 

ANDY

AwwwMAN!

 

JUSTIN

(reaches into wallet, hands ANDY money)

Well, you’ve been good lately, so I think you’ve earned it. Pick me up some milk, too, but be careful! No spills!

 

ANDY

(grabs money, crosses heart)

No spills, I promise!

                                                                                                                                      CUT TO:

JUSTIN

(smiles as ANDY rides away)

 

ANDY

No spills! No spills! I promised! no spills!

 

                                                                                                                                                FADE OUT

                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                               

END

 

 

NOTES: There’s nothing *too* embarrassing in this! Feel free to change around any bit of dialogue. The point of the movie is that wearing helmets is NOT cool. Seth said he wants to help us film; he has a Sony DV camcorder, a tripod, and I don’t think he bursts out laughing while filming.

Other thoughts...
The few people that have seen this seemed a little confused about what exactly this was about, with comments ranging from "Why is the entire punchline in the beginning?" to "WTF?!?" I took Andy's advice and read it without looking at the title, and realized a few problems; there really isn't a beginning, which means the middle part and end don't show up in any kind of logical order, making it hard to tell what is happening or why. There's no explanation as to why Andy wears no helmet one day but does the next (What is the fade between those two scenes; the next day, a different, parallel reality, and so on)

I'm working on fixes for these little problems so that the whole thing flows in a more satisfying sequence of events that make sense to the viewer, not just me.

It’s rewritten and makes more sense. (To me, anyway)   http://www.wolflink.net/~kioyte/helmets2.htm